Master Chefs They Were Not

“Master chefs you are not,” Job told his friends. “Your counsel is as tasteless as a salt-less egg white! I wouldn’t feed your faulty accusations to a dog.”

“Then how about a hog?” one asked.

“Too fat. Not all that.”

“Well, I like fast food,” said the “shoe height” man. “For which I’ll bill your dad.”

“Hey, to fast food is a practice we should all indulge in – but only when Jesus isn’t around,” thundered a voice from the future.

For he knew a lack of mirth produces dearth,

But a merry heart can make you whole,

And while fasting food afflicts the soul,

The way to a happy girl or boy

Is through God’s energizing joy.

 

Just ask the spiritual master chefs. They’ve tasted. God is good.

But pity the greedy guy whose greasy hearts has clogged his arteries (see Psalm 119:70).

So much haste, so much waste!

While his pigs eat “high off the hog,” the prodigal lacks “eggnog.”

 

The cure: Go “cold turkey” on the bitter things. Come home and dine on fatted calf.  Know that your jealous older brother has gone vegan though. He’s too mad to be glad and prefers crumbs of misery to the meat of joy and gladness (see Joel chapter 1). It’s the kind of food you take for granted ’til it’s gone.

The best master chefs refuse the killer spice called anger, as well as the mush of watered down doctrine battered by law and void of grace. It’s the kind of salt that hardens the arteries and slows the immune system. It fails to satisfy, but does create a deep hunger for God.

Sorrow makes the world taste bad, like the bitter herbs of slavery the Unfair Pharaoh forced upon Israel.

Then God led them into the wilderness and showed them the land of Canaan, which flowed with milk, honey, and big, tasty grapes – nothing tasteless there. It’s like the Holy Spirit’s fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness self control, everything you need to live a godly life. That’s how Christians need to live their lives. But like some Christians today who fear the infilling of the Holy Spirit, they said, “It’s too hard. We can’t go in.”

So, instead of feeding them milk, honey, and grapes, God rained down manna from heaven for them to eat – every day for forty years. But of course many of them didn’t like it and treated His freebies like tasteless food. How wretched can you get?

One time the rabble (which rhymes with Babel) had a beef with God over manna. They got in a big stew over their meat cravings and started acting like real turkeys! So God flooded their yards with quail, and (like turkeys) they got stuffed.

First they were toasting, then they started boasting, and in a way it led to roasting…

(I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be a quail than a turkey. And of course I’d rather see than be either one).

Yes, I know this article is full of corn – as in corny puns.

however, I doubt that corn produces as much syrup as the corn the one Pharaoh dreamed of. He saw withered corn stalks eating fat ones and shriveled cows swallowing hefty ones. Only someone like Joseph could explain such word pictures. Then there was Pharaoh’s butler, whom Joseph met in prison.  Apparently he was too busy squeezing grapes to remember to tell Pharaoh about Joseph’s amazing ability to interpret dreams.

He obviously suffered from forgetfulness due to a lack of brain food.

Then there was the baker, who dreamed of birds eating bread off his head. Talk about tasteless food!

“Not good,” Joseph said, because the man would soon be dead. Perhaps Satan’s foul fowls had snatched whatever seeds of faith had been sown in his heart – which means that you and I should never act like chickens when it comes to sharing God’s Word. After all, who wants to see the other person’s goose get cooked?

Some food attitudes smack of poison.

Take Esau, for example, who threw away away his blessing for a bowl of stew. P-U!

Or how about the way Jacob used food to deceive his father Isaac and steal Esau’s blessing?

Sometimes Jacobs’ descendants suffered famine. Yet, God used their lack to show off His miracle ability.

That’s what happened when Elisha went to Gilgal. The prophets’ sons felt the dearth because the earth had no worth. It produced tasteless food (i.e. dirt). If they wanted to survive, they couldn’t lounge but had to scrounge. Men stared into empty bowls. Stomachs were growling like dogs, which made it hard to think.

Elisha, the super spiritual man of God, hushed them with good food (after someone accidentally poisoned the pot – go figure). Perhaps that’s where we get the word hush puppies from. Moses had to listen to more stomachs growl, but who’s comparing?

I can’t help but wonder if that’s how ear plugs got invented.

One thing I do know: Jesus never resorted to ear plugs to drown out growling stomachs. Instead, he took whatever food was on hand and greatly multiplied it – by giving thanks.

Like it says in Isaiah 55:1-2, the thirsty should come to the waters, where the penniless can buy wine and milk for free. Why sweat to spend money on food that doesn’t satisfy? “Hearken diligently unto me,” God says, “and eat what’s good. Let your soul delight itself in fatness.”

Notice He says “soul,” not “body,” so don’t be alarmed. God’s food is never tasteless. It’s very much worthwhile.

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